Columnists / Ngaio Anyia
‘The only thing that was holding me back was fear’
I feel quite emotional today. Partly because it’s the Thursday after Love Saves The Day and my body is feeling more than a little abused, but mostly because I don’t remember the last time I felt this proud of myself.
It feels weird to say. Maybe it’s a woman thing or a British thing that whenever we feel great about ourselves it’s boastful, or crass, or undignified. But, fuck that.
A month ago I quit my full time job to invest in myself. Just me. Alone. And Jesus, I was terrified. Terrified because, who the hell do I think I am? I’ve got a god damn mortgage and a cat! Who’s going to feed the cat when I crash and burn?! (Sidenote: turns out that’s not an issue, my friends visit him more than me)
Seriously though, what was going to happen when it all fell apart?
Now, I think it’s important to recognise that this is only the first month and it’s still very early days but I have achieved so much in such a short time and it’s not only catapulted my confidence but also made me realise that the only thing that was holding me back – the only thing that holds most people back, is fear.
On Bank Holiday Monday I hosted a book launch for Emma Gannon’s The Multi Hyphen Method in conjunction with Bumble – a company focussed on empowering women and encouraging them to make the first move in life, love and work.
I’m saving it for my holiday read but the Q&A with her publisher and then the audience at The Florist was inspirational. No longer are we living in a society where there’s a blueprint to success – more and more we are having to learn how to be creative and flexible.
I took a chance on myself when I left the 9-5 and I can already tell the work/life balance is going to be tricky, because I love my jobs – all 25 of them! (I joke, it’s more like seven)
But it can be hard to measure your success when you’re travelling around on a little island for one. So I’m going to try my hardest to check in with myself (and any interested readers) to what’s been going on so that when I’m having a WTF day, I can look back and see what’s been achieved.
So, these are the things I’m most proud and thankful of this month:
- Getting a one day a week job as inclusion officer for Artspace Collective and The Invisible Circus
- Singing at my best friend’s wedding
- Singing at St George’s – my favourite acoustic venue in Bristol
- Getting awesome feedback for my One Dance x Abra cover
- DJing at Love Saves The Day (first time!)
- DJing at Motion (first time!)
- DJing at a Red Bull party (first time!)
- Receiving two wicked remixes back from tracks off my debut EP
- Decorating my house
- Going to a Thatcher’s tasting evening
It’s been a good month!
Ngaio Anyia is a writer, musician and DJ
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