Health / Features

Seeing Red and Feeling Blue

By ann sheldon, Thursday Feb 4, 2016

Anger is often painful and shameful. Even a brief angry outburst can cause lasting negative consequences from family breakdown to loss of career.

This October 14-16 the UK “Anger Guru”, Mike Fisher, will teach an intensive three day course for people to explore and manage their anger issues. Mike, a counsellor, has specialised in anger management for 28 years. In 2008 he set up the first UK centre to deal with anger and conflict management. Based in London, the British Association of Anger Management, offer courses and counselling to help people to express their anger cleanly. Clients range from people whose relationships are on the line to offenders who want to avoid trouble with the law.

During the Mind Your Anger course participants learn to spot what triggers their anger attacks. Anger can be felt as a painful physical pressure that provokes explosive release. Often this is expressed out of all proportion to the original cause. Methods are taught to help gain perspective and find better ways to express feelings. The course is taught to small groups of up to a dozen people – helping each person choose a better way to react to their anger ‘triggers’. Meditation and mindfulness are taught in addition to stress management, breathing techniques, how to stop taking things personally and how to control thoughts and beliefs.

Understanding the cause of one’s anger is the key. Anger is a universal, and sometimes necessary, emotion – it’s how we express it that causes the problems. See if you recognise any of these types in Mike’s Six Styles of Anger list?

Six Styles of Anger

??? Blunderbuss

Curses computer and slams around in a strop. A toxic mood-dumper who won’t admit they are angry – even to themselves.

??? Interrogator

Blasts out quick fire questions – “What have you been up to?” “Who do you think you are?”

??? Intimidator

Looks can kill, aggressive stance, shouting, eye-balling, body posturing.

??? Poor Me

Victim (the whiner), usually passive aggressive (anger expressed sideways).

??? Distancer

Walks away and won’t argue because they are too rational and feelings are a no-go zone.

??? Winder Upper

Gets others to express their anger by ‘taking the mickey’ while “only joking” – so it’s not their fault. 

It’s all about balance

The Mind Your Anger programme teaches how stress fuels anger, the difference between anger and rage, how to see the bigger picture and how to interrupt negative cycles. Building self-respect and overcoming shame and self-blame is a key component of the training. The issues that cause the anger are addressed as part of this process. 

The next Bristol Intensive Weekend course will take place from October 14-16 and costs £620.

“Anger is often caused by our primary needs, such as being loved, respected or appreciated, not being met,” Mike explains, “The mistake we often make is expecting others to fulfil those needs, instead of ourselves.” The training sounds intense but the benefits are fundamental – better health, happier relationships and a chance to express all your feelings, not just anger. 

Resources:

Main anger management website: www.angermanage.co.uk

Mind Your Anger website – includes tests for anger and stress: www.mindyouranger.com

Mike Fisher YouTube channel – filled with tips

 

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