Review: Grimsby

UK/USA 2016 83 mins Dir: Louis Leterrier Cast: Sacha Baron Cohen, Mark Strong, Penelope Cruz, Rebel Wilson, Isla Fisher, Ian McShane

Is it odd to describe a movie in which two characters are assaulted by an ejaculating elephant’s penis as lacking in edge? Because weirdly enough, that’s exactly what new Sacha Baron Cohen comedy Grimsby is: for all the smut and lewdness thrown at the screen, it’s a weirdly conservative and gutless experience, curiously absent of the satirical nastiness that earmarked earlier Cohen vehicles Borat and Bruno (it’s best to forget Ali G Indahouse, a complete torpedoing of his best character). Indeed, the worst thing one can say about the movie is that it could have starred, and indeed been written by, anybody. Where’s Kazakhstan’s gypsy-bothering journalist when you need him?

Cohen plays Northern lager lout Nobby Butcher, replete with Gallagher-esque sideburns and a disappointingly wobbly accent who, for reasons that the movie can’t quite bother to explain, intercepts super spy brother Sebastian (Mark Strong) from whom he was separated at a young age. Nobby catches the latter mid-mission whilst attempting to save philanthropist Rhona George (Penelope Cruz, utterly disposable) from an assassin.

Needless to say everything goes belly up and a young child’s AIDS-infected blood ends up spraying into the mouth of superstar Daniel Radcliffe (played by a not-very-convincing lookalike). The two men must then go into hiding in the eponymous town, before their mission takes them to South Africa for debauched gags involving the aforementioned elephant and blocked toilets.

For a movie rammed with so much filth it’s oddly inoffensive, beginning with the depiction of Grimsby itself, which, despite the reports of actual residents being in uproar, never actually wounds because there’s no actual joke at play. With its token shots of overweight women staggering down rubbish-infested streets pushing prams to the sweaty and perfunctory inclusion of Brit faces like Johnny Vegas, the movie’s supposed satirical intent has as much bite as a Daily Mail headline. Every joke can be anticipated from 10 miles away, whether it’s Nobby schooling his brood on a regular diet of Breaking Bad or a climactic, witless valedictory speech about how so-called working class ‘scum’ ought to be united with each other.

Patchy though Borat and Bruno undoubtedly were, at least there was an element of danger to both the mockumentary format and Cohen’s method performances, the British star breaking taboos and bravely exposing society’s neuroses. Sadly, there’s no such philosophy here, Transporter director Louis Leterrier demonstrating little flair outside of an opening, extended first-person action sequence. At a very lean 83 minutes long, it also whips by at a furious pace that suggests frantic cutting room trauma (the movie has indeed been delayed from its initial 2015 release, which may or may not account for its incoherence).

The brevity also has the curious effect of not lingering on any one gag or character trait for any extended amount of time: the movie seems actively scared of engaging with Cohen’s more politically troubling brand of humour, instead boiling down to standard gross-out tactics in order to draw an audience. With Rebel Wilson wasted as Nobby’s girlfriend and Cruz even more perfunctory than she was in Zoolander 2, it all falls down to the central performances, but sadly Cohen’s turn is equally anonymous, demonstrating none of the physical or verbal dexterity that we expect. In the end, the experience is partly salvaged by the ever-excellent Strong whose characteristic gruffness in the face of endless rudeness is at least watchable, if not necessarily as hilarious as it should be.

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