Features / Dating
Finding queer love and friendship connections
Dating in Bristol can be difficult for LGBTQ+ people. It’s not as easy as it is in the straight world, where people can have meet cutes locking eyes in the queue for a slice at Renato’s. It can be hard to suss people out and, if they are not queer, hitting on someone could even mean putting yourself at risk.
This means a higher percentage of LGBTQ+ people rely on meeting online.
According to Pew Research Center, 24 per cent of lesbian, gay and bisexual people met their long-term partner online, compared to 10 per cent of heterosexual couples.
is needed now More than ever
However, dating apps are not for everyone either, myself included. They’re awkward and you can spend a long time talking to someone, only to meet and realise you’re not compatible.
Other spaces to easily meet queer people are within the nightlife scene. With the rise in popularity of sobriety and alternative lifestyles, going out to meet people isn’t necessarily the right fit for everyone either.
Rhiannon Colvin (right) shared hosting duties with Roux, otherwise known as Gender Criminal (left)
Facing the challenges of dating in Bristol, Rhiannon Colvin created Tease Queer Dating: “a new dating night for queer folks in Bristol to find love, connection, friendship and more.”
Rhian invited me to the Tease Pride Special on July 22 at the Wiper and True tap room in St Werburgh’s. As soon as I arrived, there was a very friendly and welcoming check-in, my name was taken and I was given a wristband and welcomed to the space.
Queer dating, with the emphasis on queer
Even from outside, the core demographic of the event was clear. This was a queer dating event, with the emphasis on queer, attended mostly by fem, trans and non-binary folks.
It was a mostly FLINTA space (Female, lesbian, intersex, trans and agender), which is great really, as a lot of LGBTQ+ spaces can be dominated by cis gay men.
It also made sense as the space was hosted by a queer woman. It’s positive Bristol has a space for other parts of our community to make friends and flirt with one another.
Creating opportunities for connection
Tease would be a great place to find new friends as well as romance. The Pride Special was hosted by the ever-charismatic drag performer Roux, or Gender Criminal.
He was in fine form, cracking jokes and breaking the tension as the organised fun began.
During the introductions it was made very clear that no activities were mandatory and that there was a quiet space available for anyone who felt overwhelmed. This was a low pressure, fun environment for connections to be made.
House rules were also set out around consent – with all people needing to ask before touching – and, if anyone was made to feel uncomfortable, there were allocated safe people they could speak with.
Adjustments were made to make sure everyone was comfortable and welcome.
Organised fun
The first section of the speed dating event was announced by Roux, “Time for organised fun, I love organised fun,” he cackled into the mic.
The first round of organised activities was a game of rock, paper, scissors that got the whole room talking to one another
It was a combination of rock, paper, scissors and Empires.
You had to challenge your closest person to a game of rock, paper, scissors, and, if you lost to them, you became their biggest cheerleader. This meant standing behind them and chanting their name as they continued to challenge others to a game of rock, paper, scissors.
This meant there was a whole room of people chanting people’s names, whooping and cheering until there were two people left. A winner was declared and the room erupted into applause and laughs.
It was a fun activity to break the ice, get people chuckling and talking to one another.
The Nitty-gritty
The next round of activities was a sort of spectrum, where everyone stood in different positions in a line, depending on their answers to a question. People were asked whether there were planners or spontaneous, whether they were party animals or hikers, independent or attached at the hip to a partner.
This activity caused giggles and conversations to erupt as people shuffled around depending on where they stood. The “are you a top or bottom” question caused a lot of chatter and laughs as most people shuffled into the middle.
Roux remarked: “This is the most gay thing ever, I love it.”
It’s positive for Bristol to have a speed dating space where queer people can meet and form all forms of connection
After these group questions, people were asked to pair up and ask each other a series of set questions. They were either a deep question or a more light-hearted one.
For example, “What’s on your Instagram explore page?”, “What’s something you’d like to be braver about?”. Other questions included, “What’s your love language?” and “What would your drag name be?”
The questions were centred around queerness and discovering what sort of connections people were looking for. While questions were being asked people dispersed, with some standing outside in the sun while others cosied up on tables outside the main room which was filled with pairs chatting away.
It was clear there were all manner of connections happening. I overheard chatter that went deep into people’s journeys with their queerness as well as others just cackling about silly drag names. The atmosphere was warm, friendly and relaxed.
This event proved there is demand for a silly, light-hearted queer dating night. The Tease Pride Special sold out and it’s easy to see why. For the demographic it’s created for, it’s an opportunity to meet other queer people in a fun and safe environment.
All photos: Louis Veillon
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