Your say / Bristol

‘I am just a guy who was trying to portray how much he loved someone’

By luke howard, Tuesday Sep 12, 2017

At around 4am on Sunday morning I was violently attacked while – as it would now appear – subliminally crafting myself into being the largest fool in the West Country.

So, much to the great relief of many I’m sure, I stopped playing.

My head becoming the outlet of someone’s physical aggression was not, however, the reason why I didn’t get up and continue.

I feel that freedom of speech is one of the most wonderful things that we have in this country and although I quite obviously had not expected to be on the receiving end of such a hugely negative response, I still respect completely what people had to say.

With respect, however, I simply do not and would not care if the whole world hated me. For I would much rather be hated and attacked for being who I am than be praised and loved for who I’m not.

And I am just a guy who was trying – albeit naively – to portray how much he loved someone. I am very sorry that has offended so many.

My intention was never, ever to coerce or emotionally force or indeed use pity to bring this girl back into my life.

She is one of the strongest willed, intelligent, decisive human beings I have ever met so to suggest with arrogant clairvoyance she would succumb to such a tactic is insulting to her.

My intention was only to be able to display musically how deeply I felt, because I fear that over the last few weeks that may have been lost in translation as everyone has seen the clumsy words I sometimes choose hinder that ambition.

And four months I agree is not a long time at all. Yet in the company of someone so remarkably wonderful every single one of those days was precious.

So call me a stalker, sociopath, creep or whatever you desire from behind the safety of a keyboard because frankly it doesn’t matter anymore.

There are no words that can hurt more than the feeling of losing someone you really loved.

I didn’t continue playing because I realised that what I had wanted to do had spectacularly failed and with the social media reaction it was in reality very quickly turning into something that would cause the one person I didn’t want to hurt embarrassment and pain.

That was the last thing in the world I had wanted to happen, so I left.

I do not blame or in fact feel anything negative about anyone who has commented on what I decided to do. On the contrary, the lack of understanding just reminds me of how very rare a thing pure love actually is and even though it has hurt me so deeply, I was very lucky to have felt it at all.

So to the girl I didn’t want to name, whose house I didn’t want to sit outside, and who I didn’t want to flood with texts or emails: I want to sincerely apologise for all of this.

Thank you for all the wonderful times we shared. I have never felt so inspired. I will never forget.

Luke Howard is a musician from Bath who had attempted to play a piano on College Green in the hope of winning back his former lover, vowing not to stop until she gave him a second chance


Read more: Playing the piano for love on College Green

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