Features / Students
Making a home away from home
It’s 1:30am on a Tuesday in November 2021. I’m sitting in the shower, drunkenly sobbing to a girl I met three hours ago as she tries to figure out what’s wrong.
Between the thumping bass blasting from the kitchen and all the vodka I’ve drunk, I have lost the ability to speak coherent English except for a single phrase which I repeat over and over: ‘I wanna go home!’
You expect the meals to be a struggle. You expect the classes to be hard. But no one prepared me for how overwhelming the homesickness would be.
is needed now More than ever
Making your new space feel homely is crucial – photo: Annie McNamee
Having moved nearly 400 miles to university, I didn’t have the option to just pop back for the weekend, even when all I wanted was my own bed and a cuddle with my dog.
A survey by the National Union of Students found that upwards of 70 per cent of students reported feeling homesick in their first few weeks of uni.
Anecdotally, I don’t know anyone who didn’t. Chances are, a day will come between now and Christmas when you want to pack up your four remaining jars of pesto and leave, never to return to this damned place. When that moment arrives, you’ll be glad you read this guide.
Here’s all the best advice on surviving homesickness from your elders who know exactly how it feels.
Think of this time as your chance to make a family away from family – photo: UWE Bristol
Firstly, you need to manage your expectations. It’s unlikely your first year of university will be your best. One third-year student, Eva, told me: “First year was not what I expected. I thought it would be the best time ever and it was actually really hard… Third year ended up being what I thought freshers would be.”
It takes time to settle into a new life. For most, freshers is a lot more Normal People than it is a mid-2010s Pitbull video, but that’s okay! Going into first year ready for it to be a bit hard will ironically make it a lot easier in the long run.
Secondly, community can really help ease feelings of loneliness. There are plenty of ways to meet new people, but probably the easiest is to join a society. You’ve likely heard this advice before, but there will be at least one society which caters to your interests, no matter how unique or esoteric.
Societies provide a way for you to meet like-minded people without even having to try and most of them can be joined at any point in the year. If you turn up at a social in mid-November you will almost certainly be welcomed with open arms.
Never feel embarrassed about trying to make friends, especially in your first year. Always ask the girl with the cool laptop stickers to grab coffee after the lecture, and always invite the guy you were chatting to on the bus to pre’s this evening.
The worst they can say is no, and they never do. Who doesn’t want more friends?
Thirdly, say yes to everything that doesn’t put you at direct risk of harm. Crocheting and a movie is always great. So is Lizard Lounge on a Wednesday. Joining skydiving society? Absolutely, go ahead.
The best way to get over feeling homesick is to keep calm and carry on. You’ll never regret trying things out. You could meet your best friend at that magic society social, or you could end up bored and surrounded by amateur wizards for three hours.
Either way, it’s a better evening than wallowing at home.
However, while making new friends is wonderful, let’s face it – there’s no place like home. If it’s possible, heading back for a weekend here or there can be a really great way to ease yourself into living alone for the first time.
Whatever the case, if you have a support system at home, stay in touch. Call as much as you need to and take full advantage of the wonders of modern technology.
Ensure there’s always something in the calendar that will connect you with your roots, like a weekly video call with your mum or a digital catchup with your best friends.
If you only take one thing from our chat today, let it be this: don’t be hard on yourself. Sometimes you need a night on your own, or a night crying to a stranger in your hall’s shared bathroom.
There is nothing embarrassing about not settling in straight away. All universities have loads of resources to help you with adjusting to life away from home.
You can find out where to access help from your uni on their website.
Remember that feeling – the tightness in your chest and the constant ache in your stomach – will pass. You won’t feel like the odd one out forever and, when you do eventually find your people, you’ll be so glad you soldiered through that first winter when you really, really wanted to drop out.
Take your time. You’ve got this.
Main photo: Annie McNamee
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